


Moomin's Thoughts

by DreamerLost



Series: The Older We Become [1]
Category: Moominvalley (Cartoon 2019), Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson, 楽しいムーミン一家 | Moomin (Anime 1990)
Genre: Gen, deep thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:35:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22921921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamerLost/pseuds/DreamerLost
Summary: Moomintroll wakes up during his winter once again. In the dark he is left to his thoughts with no one to stop him. So now he stares himself in the eyes and wonders who he is.(Mostly its him thinking but the others are mentioned. Its my first work so I would love to hear people's thoughts on this work. Just remember please that I own nothing but the plot if that. After all moomin valley planted the idea of him growing up)
Relationships: Bearly, Mumintrollet | Moomintroll & Snusmumriken | Snufkin
Series: The Older We Become [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1647415
Kudos: 22





	Moomin's Thoughts

Winter had come to Moomin Valley once more and Moomintroll was once more awake. No matter how he tried he couldn't return to sleep so he wondered down to the living room with his blanket to get the furnace going. He sat there on the chair just staring into nothing as his thoughts ran away from him. For the past few years he could never sleep through a full winter no matter what he tried. At most he would get maybe a week or two, a month if he was lucky, before he was awake once more.

In the past he would go explore around this new winter wonderland, find a place for a new adventure in the spring with his friends. Maybe he would go around doing odd jobs like fixing the fence for Mr. Hemulens who loved his flowers, or cleaning the path for Mrs. Fillyjonk. When he had learned that Too Ticky was wake during winter he loved to visit her and hear her wonderful stories. But as the years moved on he found himself more likely to sit in this dark living room and think.

And that may not be a good thing.

At first he would think about adventurers he would go on one day like becoming a traveling circus performer and wowing crowds around the world. Or maybe he would become a mighty warrior who would save damsels in distress. Moomintroll loved to lose himself in the thoughts of what he would one day become. But as he grew he knew these were childish daydreams that would most likely never come true. But it didn't change that Moomintroll would think about his future and wonder who he would become. He wondered what his future living would be, If he would marry, if he would even have children one day.

After many years of thinking up answers he saw the truth one day.

And he was horrified as cruel as that may sound. 

One year his papa had left his hat in the living room and Moomintroll had tried it on for a laugh. He wandered around the living room talking like his papa only to see that he had truly sounded like his father. Then he found a mirror and he could only see his papa looking back at him. Suddenly, in that moment, Moomintroll saw that he would one day become his father and had wanted to cry.

Now Moomintroll loved his papa with everything he was. His papa who had rocked him to sleep as a baby. His papa who told him amazing stories for as long as he remembered. His papa who taught him to fish and what fresh berries were safe to eat and such. Moominpappa was Moomintroll's hero.

But that didn't mean he wanted to become his papa!

He had sat in the dark and compared his papa with himself and didn't really like his answers.

His papa went on daring adventures on the wide open sea.

His papa was a skilled woodworker as the very house Moomintroll grew up in was made by papa.

His papa had a loving wife with whom he had a much loved son with.

Truly, Moomintroll thought as he added more wood to warm up some more, it wasn't a bad life.

But it wasn't Moomintroll's life.

The problem was that the older Moomintroll became the more everyone saw his papa in him and the more Moomintroll, as his own identity, was lost.

When he went on adventures with his friends, he was just being his papa's son.

When he rebuilt the back of his father's chair or the house for the Mymble, He was being skilled just like his papa.

Even when he begun his relationship with Snorkmaiden everyone had expected it. Everyone had made it sound like the two of them would follow in the foot steps of his parents and planed accordingly. Like people pointed out where the good places to make a house would be. How having a new little Moomin running around would be nice. Things like that. Moomintroll would never know what to say while Everyone just nodded like it was a done deal. Now Moomintroll never hated Snorkmaiden or anything like that but he didn't know if he even wanted to get married yet never mind where to build a house for them.

He just wondered why everyone expected it? Because they were childhood friends? Because she said she loved him? Moomintroll had no idea how he felt on everything, never mind how he thought about Snorkmaiden and their up and down relationship.

Instead he found himself wondering about his papa again and the sides that it seemed like only he could see.

His papa was very lonely. His papa had amazing stories of wonderful friends but Moomintroll had only met one or two of them. Even worse was these visits were very few and far in between. It's one of the reasons, he thought, his papa focused so on his memoirs or helping Moomintroll's friends cause some trouble. More then once he had seen his papa staring into the distance as if he wasn't sitting right there next to Moomintroll.

The worst was when his papa would be lifeless. Oh his papa still did everything a papa was to do. He still wrote, ate with the family, and wondered around like he was inclined to do on his normal days. But on those days there was none of the happy spark that made his papa who he was. It was like he was in a play and was assigned the part of Moomintroll's papa. Those days always made him worry that if he took his eyes off his papa then he may never see him again.

Oh Moomintroll know that his papa loved him and his mama but part of Moominpapa was lost, Moomintroll thought, when he had given up everything he had known to make a life with them. His papa was once a man who lived for the sea and the adrenaline that came from crazy adventures with high risks but had traded that all away for a house and a baby. Sometimes Moomintroll could see a bit of that man from before top hats and canes when they went out to sea. He could see the young orphan that had nothing to lose but it was never for too long.

Moomintroll wondered with a sad smile what was better: To be like his father who gave up part of who he was to build a life with someone? Or to never discover parts of himself and have a painful yearning inside like Moomintroll did?

Moomintroll had no answer but he did know that as years went by he could feel himself becoming cooler to the world. In growing up he was losing what made him who he was and that was terrifying to tell the truth.

Sometimes he wanted to break down and beg for someone, anyone to help him but no one would really understand. Not really Moomintroll thought with a sad sigh. Sniff and Little My we practically raised by his parents and would see it as him saying his parents were bad people. Snorkmaiden would only see it as him finding flaws with her when there were none. 

And Snufkin.

Oh Snufkin.

The best friend he ever had.

As terrible as it sounded, he wouldn't understand, not really.

Snufkin never had to live under the looming shadow of someone. His mother was barely in contact while his father was only a ghost lost in Moominpapa's eyes. He would never have to try and find his own way away from them because Snufkin had done that as a young one. He truly didn't know how loved ones can become shackles that someone didn't want to break. If Moomintroll were to go to his dear friend and ask for some advice he already knew what wold be said. 

Be true to your nature.

The problem is Moomintroll had no idea what his nature was. Moominpapa had shaped Moomintroll so it was hard to pick the pieces of him weren't influenced by his papa.Trying to do so felt like if he spilled a jar of colored sand on a beach, then trying to pick up only pieces of the colored sand. It was almost impossible, Moomintroll felt.

Moomintroll sat on his chair staring into nothing as he listened to the wind outside.

Who was Moomintroll without Moominpapa? 


End file.
